Not Tonight, Dear, I've Got A Headache

We used to settle these things in divorce court. Now a Florida women is busted for shooting her hubby while he slept. The best part? The guy thought his hedache was a migraine. Read it all from Ananova News Service at:
www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2393710.html

Hey Kids, Don't Try This At Home

A Reston Virginia, woman found an alligator in her back yard. Then she took matters (and the gator) into her own hands. Read all about it at:
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/O/ODD_ALLIGATOR_WRANGLER?SITE=ALMON&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

Working On Senate Time

On June 27, the United States Senate collectively threw up its hands and quit trying to pass the latest bill addressing illegal immigration. Then, things got worse. After failing to do their jobs, the senators casually announced that because the immuigration issue was "so hard" and "really tough to deal with," the senate wouldn't be able to tackle immigration reform again until after the next national election, which is more than 16 months away. Maybe it's just me, but if this crowd can't find the time in the next 16 months to address what many senators have called "our most pressing issue," maybe it's time to throw the whole bunch out and start over.
No time? That's all they have is time...to work on this bill and others. What they're lacking isn't time, but guts. After bothering to visit the home folks during Memorial Day recess, the senators realized this issue is radioactive. By the strange logic of American politics, incumbent politicians have learned they can do better at election time by avoiding an issue rather than taking an unpopular stand. Maybe it's time voters reminded them that taking unpopular stands is what politicians are elected to do. If the current senate had been seated in 1964, minoriities would still be begging for the right to vote. These days, though, the "job" isn't about making hard choices, it's about raising hard cash for reelection campaigns. Makes you proud, doesn't it?

Out Of Africa

Special thanks to bloggers around the world for visting the blog over 350 times since June 11. The good news is, the blog has had lookers (if not posters) from North and South America, Europe, Asia and Australia. The bad news, not a single looker from Africa. If you know someone who calls Africa home, give them a buzz and the blog can proudly say it has (served, aggravated, disgusted) people on every continent except Antarctica. And that's next. So thanks for dropping by, but please, leave a few more notes. I'd love to chat with more of you.

Fish Story

The blog has been a bit skimpy this week. The blogger apologizes for that, but it was necessary to take a few days off and study global warming and related fish attacks on humans in the Florida panhandle. I'm proud to report that after suffering sweltering heat for three days I was not attacked by a single sturgeon. I did, however, manage to catch several large salt water fish, the largest a drum weighing over 15 pounds. Several snapper and at least two stingrays were included in the week's haul. I am proud to say all creatures were released unharmed and I satisfied my seafood cravings with fish caught by other people and sold to restaurants. Hope the first part of you week was just as good.

Paris (Hilton) Liberated!

After 23 days in the pokey, party princess Paris Hilton was sprung and thousands of celebrity photographers came off the unemployment roll and started snapping.
All I can say is Good for Ms. Hilton. She certainly has some well-documented problems, but after a shaky start in the slammer, Paris settled down (as far as we know)and did her time. In fact, she served more time than the average LA resident for the same offense. Bad things can have positive results. Let's hope Paris' jail stay did her some good. And if it works for Paris, let's start a movement to put Bitney Spears behind bars soon. That child needs some help, too.

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20070627/D8Q0QJMO2.html

4REAL alive and well...And doing a Hollywood gig!

We recently reported on a New Zealand couple which attempted unsuccessfully to name their child 4real. Maybe the child can grow up to work for the organization which sponsored a South American jaunt by actress Cameron Diaz. By the way, Ms. Diaz learned that while Hollywood typed still love Communist "heroes," not everyone feels the same way. Here's what I mean...

"Cameron Diaz Apologizes for Maoist Bag

LIMA, Peru — Cameron Diaz apologized Sunday for carrying a bag with a political slogan that evoked painful memories in Peru.

The voice of Princess Fiona in the animated "Shrek" films visited the Incan city of Machu Picchu in Peru's Andes on Friday carrying an olive green bag emblazoned with a red star and the words "Serve the People" printed in Chinese, perhaps Chinese Communist leader Mao Zedong's most famous political slogan.


(enlarge photo)
US actress Cameron Diaz, left, and MTV Canada host Sol Guy, center left, laugh as they walk with their tour guide Freddy Quispe, center right, as they tour the Inca ruins of Machu Picchu near Cuzco, Peru, Friday, June 22, 2007. The person at right is unidentified. (AP Photo/Karel Navarro)
The bags are marketed as fashion accessories in some world capitals, but in Peru the slogan evokes memories of the Maoist Shining Path insurgency that fought the government in the 1980s and early 1990s in a bloody conflict that left nearly 70,000 people dead.

"I sincerely apologize to anyone I may have inadvertently offended. The bag was a purchase I made as a tourist in China and I did not realize the potentially hurtful nature of the slogan printed on it," Diaz said in a statement e-mailed to The Associated Press.

On Friday, one prominent Peruvian human rights activist said Diaz should have been a little more aware of local sensitivities when picking her accessories.

In Sunday's statement, the star of "There's Something About Mary" said the purpose of her visit was to participate in a television show that celebrates Peru's culture. The actress has been in Peru as part of "4 REAL," a Canadian TV production that focuses on young community leaders around the world.

"I'm sorry for any people's pain and suffering and it was certainly never my intention to reopen what I now know is a painful wound in this country's history," she said.

Diaz also spoke of Peruvians' beauty and warmth and said she wished "for their continued healing."

4real? 4Shame.

If you thought Hollywood couples came up with crazy baby names, read this. Then send in your favorite wacky names. We'll publish the best...and worst.


From New Zealand news services:

"Couple try to name son '4real'
A New Zealand couple have been blocked by authorities in their bid to name their baby son '4real'.

Pat and Sheena Wheaton decided on the name after glimpsing him for the first time during a scan, reports Metro News.

But they have been told that '4real' can't go down on the birth certificate because numerals are not allowed.

Mrs Wheaton told TV One: "For most of us, when we try to figure out what our names mean, we have to look it up in a babies book and there's no direct link between the meaning and the name.

"With this name, everyone knows what it means."

But when the parents tried to file the name with New Zealand's Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages, they were told names beginning with a number were against the rules.

The government office has opened negotiations with the parents about the name under a policy that says all unusual names must be given case-by-case consideration.

Registrar-General Brian Clarke said in a statement: "The name has not at this stage been rejected. We are currently in discussions with the parents to clarify the situation."

New Zealand law requires all children to be registered within two months of birth and the baby will be registered as 'Real' if no compromise is reached."

Forget COYOTE Ugly. Check out this pooch

A New Jersey mutt was just named World's Ugliest Dog at a contest in Petaluma, Ca. The good news is, this sweetie won a thousand bucks. Wonder if there are plastic surgeons for pooches? Or Maybe the chicks dig this look. Check story and pix at:

www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8PUBUIO1&show_article=1

Paris Hilton might like this jail

When poor Paris hit the slammer for the first time she had issues with prison food at the LA. County Jail. That's certainly not a problem here...

from Ananova News Service:


"...Inmates of an Indian prison are reportedly refusing to apply for bail because the food is so good.

Parappana Agrahara prison in Bangalore is crowded with 4,700 inmates, more than twice its capacity.

Criminals are refusing to apply for bail to get out while juvenile offenders are lying about their age to get in, reports the Bangalore Mirror.

The paper says the reason is healthy food being served by ISKCON, or the International Society for Krishna Consciousness, a Hindu evangelist organisation.

ISKCON, commonly known as the Hare Krishna movement, started serving its pure-vegetarian fare in the jail in May under contract from the prisons department.

Lunch and dinner typically include piping hot rice, two vegetables and a spicy lentil dish called sambar and buttermilk.

A dessert is added on festival days and national holidays like Independence Day, and also once a week.

Prisoner Raja Reddy, who has been arrested 20 times in 30 years for theft, robbery and burglary, said: "When we are getting tasty, nutritious food three times a day here, why should we go out and commit crimes."

New Blogs for tea lovers and book readers

Been remiss in not pumping up a couple of great new blogs out there. One is a book discussion called "The Book Nook" hosted by Liz Barnett. Lots of great thoughts about a new book and fun comments from readers. Check it out at:

www.ncmagbooknook.blogspot.com
If you've ever enjoyed a cup of tea—and everything that goes with the whole tea culture—you don't want to miss the "Tea With Friends" blog. Too much good stuff to even tease in this space but for advice on everything from steeping times to sightings of tea celebrities, check this one out. I should reveal that this blog is edited and operated by my wife, Angela, who, for my money, knows more about tea than anyone. Angela's also the reason the blog layout is so pretty. (She's offered to beautify my blog and one day I'll take her up on it), but for now, enjoy your cup of tea as you read along at:

www.ncmagteawithfriends.blogspot.com

Global COOLING on the way???

Here's a story that was totally ignored by the mainstream American press. A group of Canadian scientists say we're on the verge of a big cool down. Why? It's that darned old sun. Read the whole story here:

www.canada.com/nationalpost/financialpost/comment/story.html?id=597d0677-2a05-47b4-b34f-b84068db11f4&p=4

Fly the stinky skies of Continental Air Lines

What's worse than snakes on a plane? How 'bout raw sewage with your snack service. Check out this horror story at: [www.king5.com/topstories/stories/NW_061907WAB_continental_sewage_flight_TP.1cc511cf.html]

gardening tips

Several years ago I tried to do a garden. It did me instead. I wrote about it way back when and decided to dredge up this old column to warn any would-be gardeners about the perils of one particular veggie.

Column follows:

BURIED TREASURE
The article seemed harmless, a trifle about the joys of gardening. It described the wonders of becoming one with the earth and watching a miracle of nature unfold before your very eyes. It also said you could save some dough on groceries.
I decided to give it a shot. The first decision was what to plant. I finally settled on beans , peas, tomatoes, squash and cucumbers. I should have stopped there, but decided to take a shot at one exotic planting. If you learn nothing else in life, learn this:
DO NOT PLANT POTATOES.
They are sneaky, devious plants and will lead you down the road to gardening heartache and frustration. I didn’t learn this until too late.
The article said to prepare the soil by doing fancy things like digging and mulching. Since I knew weeds grew in the cracks of the sidewalk where nobody ever mulched, much less dug, I passed. Instead, I mowed my garden area down close to the dirt and then made trenches for some plants and built hills for others.
For a while all was well. Every day when I went out to admire my handiwork, I was rewarded with genuine home-grown groceries. As soon as a new plant ripened, I rushed it inside and gobbled it up.
Trouble is, I wasn’t the only one who enjoyed my garden goodies. Every day I noticed some critter trying to take advantage of my green thumbery. Birds strafed my pole beans. Squirrels stalked my tomatoes. And I couldn’t see them, but I knew the moles were down there munching on tender young roots.
I wasn’t about to surrender my cheap eats to a bunch of vermin, so I fought back. It wasn’t cheap. My total investment in seed was about five bucks. But when I added the cost of iron pipe for fenceposts, a five-pound sledge hammer for driving said posts into the ground, hog wire to keep out chickens and hogs, mosquito netting to foil the birds and a used 50 caliber machine gun to blast the squirrels, I was out about 900 bucks. Not counting ammo.
It worked out to about two dollars per mouthful. Not exactly budget cuisine, but the project was still fun, and all-in-all, things went fine.
Except for those potatoes. The hills I built for them just sat there like leafy yard pimples, not a potato in sight.
After the last harvest I went to fill my trenches and flatten my mounds. I was stunned to find lumps under my potato hills. I dug deeper and to my amazement, discovered dozens of big, brown, beautiful potatoes.
What treachery. They’d been there all the time, but didn’t have the guts to come up and face me. They just cowered beneath the clay, probably watching the whole time and laughing at me.
Sure, it was embarrassing, but how was I supposed to know? The magazine article never mentioned that spuds were subterranean. Did they think people were just born knowing this stuff?
There’s nothing like being outwitted by a carbohydrate to take you down a peg or two. That incident with the potatoes put an end to my gardening career. These days, when I want potatoes, i go to a fast food joint and order fries. I especially like it when they dip those potatoes in that sizzling hot grease. I hope they suffer.

wild hogs, other tidbits

Been a while since last post. I'm blaming Father's Day. Mine was great. If you qualified for the honor, hope yours was, too. By the way, if any of you come across strange, exotic or fun news items, pass them along and I'll post them here if it doesn't violate any copyright protections.
In that vein, thanks to Bill Cole from St. Louis for passing along more news about Fred the giant pig who was killed in Alabama a couple of minths ago. At the time of the slaughter the shooter, an 11-year-old boy, was assured the hog was wild. later, the hog's prtevious owners said he was a former family pet named Fred. According to snopes.com, that may not have been the case. Check it out here, and thanks, Bill, for keeping Fred's record current.
[www.monsterpig.com]

vacation dangers: death from the deep

It's vacation time. Some of you are going to the Florida. Some of you also don't get my thrice-a-week column. Read this offering from June 15 before booking your room in a wet spot. Then, enjoy. Florida's great any time.

Column follows:

DON'T GO NEAR THE WATER
Along the sugar sand beaches of Florida’s panhandle, there is always something to fear. In pre-Elvis America, folks wrung their hands over hurricanes.
When spring break turned trendy in the mid-60s, drunken partygoers became a bigger nuisance than crooked land developers.
And when the movie “Jaws” hit the big screen in 1975, people changed their beach habits for good. Including me.
I didn’t stay on dry land, but in addition to sunscreen, I started stocking my beach bag with a speargun, automatic rife and hand grenades. I also avoided water more than waist deep.
But in recent years, as more and more shark attacks have occurred in knee-deep (or less) water, I decided things might be safer along the peaceful rivers and lakes that adjoin the sandy shoreline.
I might as well have stayed in the ocean.
Like zillions of others, I figured if you stayed in fresh water, sharks weren’t a problem. Then I learned about the bull shark, the Elton John of the species, a creature that goes both ways, comfortable in both fresh and salt water. Unfortunately, I learned about bull sharks just after renting a canoe to cruise through a lake reputed to be a favorite bull shark buffet.
I couldn’t get a refund, so I stroked off into the unknown. It wasn't a peaceful paddle.
Even after that, I thought if you went far enough upstream, you’d be safe. Apparently, that's not the case either. You might avoid a shark attack, but other fearsome beasts are waiting to rain all over your Florida panhandle parade.
Just ask Ms. Tara Spears, who was just savaged by a sturgeon while boating on Florida's fabled Suwannee River.
According to The Associated Press, Spears was floating along and minding her own business when the surly sturgeon leaped from the water and, as we say down here, knocked her upside the head.
Since sturgeon grow to be 8 feet long and weigh 200 pounds, they can hit with the power of an NFL linebacker. The blow was enough to render poor Ms. Sparks not only uncomfortable, but unconscious.
She was rushed to a local hospital and will recover nicely from her injuries, although doctors fear she will develop a lingering fear of seafood. Bless her heart.
And this isn't the first such incident this year. Just a couple of months ago, a 50-year- old woman was damaged while riding a personal watercraft down the very same Suwannee River. In that incident, the flying sturgeon burst the woman’s spleen, knocked out a tooth and actually snapped off a handful (literally) of fingers.
Surgeons repaired most of the sturgeon damage and managed to reattach three fingers, although the pinkie was lost.
Talk about unadvertised hazards. I've been in boats when a mullet dropped in. And I was once grazed by a flying fish who mistook the deep sea charter boat for a landing strip. But I’ve never worried about soaring sturgeons. Until now.
I’m currently planning a vacation. If I wind up in Florida, chances are I won’t go near the water. I’ll just stick to the air-conditioned room. That is, unless the room has an aquarium. These days, you can’t be too careful.

Send your e-mail comments to [alex@newnan.com]

Animals attack. Again.

Yeterday it was savage sturgeons attacking tourists in Florida. Today, killer squirrels terrorize unsuspecting Germans. From Reuters News Service:

BERLIN (Reuters) - An aggressive squirrel attacked and injured three people in a German town before a 72-year-old pensioner dispatched the rampaging animal with his crutch.

The squirrel first ran into a house in the southern town of Passau, leapt from behind on a 70-year-old woman, and sank its teeth into her hand, a local police spokesman said Thursday.

With the squirrel still hanging from her hand, the woman ran onto the street in panic, where she managed to shake it off.

The animal then entered a building site and jumped on a construction worker, injuring him on the hand and arm, before he managed to fight it off with a measuring pole.

"After that, the squirrel went into the 72-year-old man's garden and massively attacked him on the arms, hand and thigh," the spokesman said. "Then he killed it with his crutch."

The spokesman said experts thought the attack may have been linked to the mating season or because the squirrel was ill.

killer fish in florida

Years ago, Florida tourists worried about shark bites. Looks like Mother Nature has just upped the ante. Here's proof:

ROCK BLUFF, Fla. — A woman was injured over the weekend by a leaping sturgeon, the latest incident involving the flying fish on the Suwannee River, officials said.

Tara Spears, 32, of Bell, was knocked unconscious by the animal on Sunday while boating on the river north of Rock Bluff, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission reported.

She was taken to a hospital with non-life-threatening injuries and was expected to recover, the agency reported.

can't return some comments

By the way...
Have just noticed that if you sign into blog anonymous or as a "no-reply" blogger, I can't respond because the service won't allow me to send a "return" note to address types just described. Not planning on replying to majority of them anyway, since I hope this will develop into a back and forth between readers, but in case you hoped for a note and didn't get one, that may be one reason why. Hope everyone's having a good day.

wurst news of the day

Longing for heat-beating summer teats? Try this...

BERLIN (Reuters) - Hoping to spice up their summer business, German butchers have introduced a new line of exotic-tasting sausages with flavors ranging from kiwi, maraschino cherry, lemon and even aloe vera.

If you're not nauseous yet, read the entire story at :
[www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSL1273288120070612]

the punishment may not fit the crime, but the name...?

MARSHALLTOWN, Iowa: Police blame a woman named Butts for stealing toilet paper from an Iowa courthouse, and while they are chuckling, the theft charge could land her in jail.

"She's facing potentially three years of incarceration for three rolls of toilet paper," Chief Lon Walker said, stifling a laugh as he talked to KCCI-TV about Suzanne Marie Butts. Workers at the Marshall County Courthouse had noticed toilet paper rolls were disappearing much faster than usual, Walker said.

Butts, 38, was caught last week after an employee saw her taking three rolls of two-ply tissue from a storage closet, Walker said.

Butts insisted it was the first time she had pilfered toilet paper, but she declined to answer further questions on her attorney's advice.

the coming apocalypse

Two news items crossing the desk on 6-11-07 prove the end may be nearer than we think.
First, Denver residents were shivering on June 11, 2007 as the city suffered its coldest June day in fifty years. The 31 degree reading was also the latest freeze on record for the city of Denver, according to the local paper, which said Denver temps have only gone sub-freezing two other times during the month of June; in 1919 and 1951.
The coldest June temperature ever recorded was 30 degrees on June 2, 1951. By the way, the record cold came on the heels of an announcement by Denver mayor Mayor John Hickenlooper that his new "climate action plan" would save Denver from global warming. Sounds like they can't act fast enough.
In other news, WIS TV in Columbia, Soith Carolina reported the following:
"SUMTER, SC - Four Sumter men are facing jail time after threatening another man with a poisonous snake.
Sumter police say the men pulled out a cottonmouth water moccasin outside of bar on Rast Street in Sumter.
Police were not able to locate the snake when they arrived, but say one of the suspects was bitten and had to be treated."

Assault with a deadly reptile? Surely the end is near.

ashamed

Today is Friday, June 8, 2007. Two days ago was June 6, D-Day, the day Allied Forces stormed the beaches of Normandy in 1944 in an invasion that signaled the beginning of the end of World War II. I didn't write a word about it. First time in years I've skipped it, I believe. Shame on me. My apologies to the few remaining vets of D-Day and World War II in general. You guys and gals saved the free world's bacon and deserve a little more gratitude. I'll try and do better next year.

Paris Hilton escapes justice. How can we escape her?

I've never been more unhappy about being right. A few days after celebrity airhead Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days in jail I speculated she wouldn't remain behind bars a week. Unfortunately, I was right. She was only there three days before she was released due to "health concerns." Seems like she couldn't eat prison food. Poor thing.
Cops said she will spend the remainder of her "sentence" at her mansion under "house arrest," tethered to an ankle bracelet. Wonder if reporters are allowed to visit?
The best comment—and arguably the most accurate came from Rev. Al Sharpton, who said:
"Though I have nothing but empathy for Ms. Hilton whom I have met and appeared with on Saturday Night Live the night I hosted in 2003, this early release gives all of the appearances of economic and racial favoritism that is constantly cited by poor people and people of color. There are any number of cases of people who handle being incarcerated badly and even have health conditions that are not released.
"I have served several sentences for civil rights and civil disobedience actions and I even fasted which caused health concerns to prison authorities who paid for a doctor to come see me daily rather than release me. This act smacks of the double standards that many of us raise."
Right on, brother.

scary stuff

I thought the 1,000 pound hog killed in Alabama recently was pretty frightening stuff. Then I read another Alabama-connected fright tale: Missing student Natalie Holloway's mother is dating Jon Benet Ramsay's father. Can you imagine their after-dinner conversations? But wish them well and hope they find some, uh, closure in their relationship

wacky baseball manager

If you've tuned out major league beseball for being so boring, you might want to buy a ticket to a minor league game. Especially one featuring the Mississippi Braves and their manager Phillip Wellman. I don't know if the Miss. Braves can play ball, but Wellman can throw a fit. He went ballistic the other day after disagreeing with an umpire's call. You've got to see this to believe it (Google it) After the usual shouting match, Wellman buried home plate, pulled up second and third bases (and carried them off the field with him) and even low-crawled from 2nd base to the mound, where he did a passable grenade throw with the rosin bag. Maybe this guy wants Bobby Cox's job with the Big League Braves. Looks like he's a contender for Cox's almost-record number of ejections.
Like I said, fun stuff.